My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
