is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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