Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
