so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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