but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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