you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
