Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
