I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
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