Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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