Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
