how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I cut my penus on the lid.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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