her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
