I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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