When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
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