Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
