I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
FUCK WHALES
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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