spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Randomize
