i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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