fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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