Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
