There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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