maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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