turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
