everyone is single if you try hard enough
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
