I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize