dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
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