Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
