There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
