she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
