having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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