I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
