Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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