all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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