seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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