Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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