just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
