you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
whose parrot is this?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
