Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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