I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
