I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
