Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
