I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
