Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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