i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
