Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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