My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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