Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
