i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
