He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
