legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Randomize
