remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
