I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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