mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
