I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
