Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
