She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
