This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
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