Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
