We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
this beer tastes like vomit already
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
