Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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