Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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