did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
