I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
