The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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