Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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