forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
