I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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