Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
