U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He passed out mid-signature
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
